You don't have to say yes
by DanicaGentozzi
Summary: Jake and Amy have been sneaking around and secretly hooking up for a while now, but what about when that is not enough anymore? - Future Jake x Amy - PS1: This probably went in a different direction than it was supposed to. PS2: English is not my native language, bla bla bla. I own nothing, bla bla bla. Please, if you find something weird (or if you like), let me know, bla bla bla.


I'm looking at my watch every other second and, fuck, since when 5 minutes started taking half an hour to go by? I consider texting Amy again to hurry her up, but only 3 minutes have gone by since I arrived in the fire-exit staircase myself. I reread the message I sent her "Hi, meet me at the spot in 5." I can't help but to laugh to myself at that. When would I ever imagine that Amy Santiago and I would have a secret make out spot in the work environment?

Never, that's the answer to this one. Actually, to be completely honest, all the times I imagined myself with Santiago we were never hiding it from anyone, ever. In my mind, if we ever happened to be together, we would be out in the open since day one. But apparently she had a different opinion, as usual.

I don't really blame her on wanting some privacy for a while, because even I can't really understand much what is going on between us yet. I mean, I know for fact I like her, a lot. But what are we? I wouldn't have the answer to that, in case someone asks me right now. None of the two of us know what we have yet, so why should the others know, right?

Right? At least that's what I'm telling myself so far.

What I do know though is that when I look up from my computer and I see her on her desk across to mine, looking all serious, all I want is to get up and kiss her without even considering what anyone else will think about it. But I can't do that. We agreed that, as long as we are not sure what is going on, we shouldn't let anyone in the precinct know anything, or otherwise they would invite themselves into discussing, and labeling, our relationship. She's right, I guess, but yet I curse the day I agreed to that, because now I'm here, anxious as fuck, standing in a stairway waiting for her after already having to spend the whole day desperate to see her, touch her and kiss her.

My heart beats a little stronger when I hear the click of the fire-exit door opening, and the bastard threatens to jump out of my mouth when I see her gorgeous figure. Gosh, we hadn't had the chance to speak today, except for a good morning hours ago when I arrived. But that was it, we were both so busy we didn't have time to say another word to each other during the whole day. Not that the first thing I do when she comes closer is talk anyway.

"Oh hey… what are you doing?!" She says while pushing herself away from my hungry kiss. Of course, this is Amy Hates To Break Any Rule Whatsoever Santiago I'm trying to sneak out with, what am I thinking?

"C'mon Amy, nobody never on the story of ever came to this place. Unless this building starts to catch fire, we're safe." I feel like I have told her that every single time we sneaked out at work, which must be quite a few times since we're doing it for about two weeks now.

"I know, but it doesn't hurt to be extra careful in a situation like this." She makes a slightly concern face when saying that and I can't help but smile at her. The whole thing is so effortless Amy Santiago like that makes my heart warm.

She's great. Even though she was born in her fifties, manages to be a bit of a killjoy sometimes and recently have been smelling a little too often like cigarettes (she gets nervous about Holt might finding out our make out escapades), she's still the best partner ever, at and out of work. Oh, and yes, she also doesn't know how to relax. Fortunately, I guess this one I can help her with.

"Okay, come here." I lean on the wall to my back and land my hands on her waist over the thin cotton fabric of her shirt. Still far. I put one arm tightly around her back and bring her closer to my embrace, her hands resting in my shoulders. "Relax, okay? Or I'll start thinking _I'm the problem_ and you don't want anyone to know you're _with me_." She looks up and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Shut up. I'm way beyond past the point where I should have been embarrassed by liking you. Now there's no way back to me, so you can be sure it's definitely not that." Man, she has no idea how bad I want to believe in that, so I'll just take the extra stuff as a complement.

"Ha-ha. You know very well that I'm the one who should have been embarrassed by liking you, Santiago. You're a giant dork." Somehow, we always end up engaging in these 12-years-old-kids arguments that are really just made up to tease the hell out of each other. And she never loses a chance to playfully hit me in the chest when that happens, before resting one of her hands there.

"Seriously though, you do know is not because you, right? It's just, this is so wrong. This situation, I mean. It would kill my chances to become captain someday if someone reported me sneaking out to make out with a co-worker, in the job environment, during the job shift. Oh my God, I can't even conceive that."

"God, you really don't know how to relax, do you? C'mon, let me help you out." She doesn't protest when I bring her even closer to me, like really close, and slowly kiss her mouth, then her jaw, the back of her ear and, finally, go harder down her neck, secretly hoping to let a mark there, more for myself than for anyone else to see.

I'm back to kissing her jaw line, with her hands holding tight on my hair, when my cellphone vibrates in my pocket. And I think my relaxing techniques worked because Amy doesn't pull away from me in surprise, instead she looks at me smiling and even manage to joke around. "Ooh, I didn't know you were that happy to see me."

"It's just my gun, Santiago." We both laugh while I reach my pocket to check my cell phone.

"Damn, it's a text from Charles. He caught the perp who we were chasing for weeks."

"That's great news, go Boyle!" She wears an authentic happy smile when saying that. Geez, I adore the way she is so competitive and, yet, such a great team player. She's adorable.

"It_ is_ great. But now I gotta go help him out with the interrogation. It can take a while."

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry, you go back up there first and I'll wait here for some 5 or 10 minutes more. We'll talk when you're done, whenever this will be."

"Great." I can't help but to take her face between my hands and kiss her again. She's just so… so… God, she's… perfect.

I let go of her and head up to the exit door, but not before looking back at Amy for one last time before God knows how many hours of interrogation I'll have ahead of me. "And don't even think about lighting up a cigarette in here, Amy Santiago. The last thing we need is a fire alert in the building."

* * *

I haven't spoken with Amy in a little over than 2 days now. The interrogation took long and, once it was over, Holt sent us home and gave me and Charles a day off. I was so tired that all I did was sleep. There were 3 missed calls from her when I waked up this morning.

Today, when I arrived (late) to the precinct Amy wasn't there anymore. "She's out working on a case with Rosa." Boyle shows up at my side, out of nowhere, and says it loud enough so just I can hear. I start to wonder if he actually knows something is up or he's only trying to tease me. Or maybe both.

"Who?" I try to sound convincing. "Oh, you mean Santiago? Well, good for her." Shit, I gotta work harder on my convincing tone. Charles sends me a look that tells me he might actually know something. Whatever though, I know he wouldn't ever say anything. He does suck at keeping general secrets, but for things like this I don't have to worry, he's too good of a friend for that. So good that he even goes back to his own desk and leave me alone with my thoughts when I throw him a cut-of-the-crappy look.

It's only hours later when Amy and Rosa come back to the precinct. They both go straight to their desks and I don't lose any time before leaning over closer to Amy's. "Hey. Got any perps?"

"Cough! Cough!" I roll my eyes at Charles' clearly fake cough. The fucker totally knows what's up. I look up at Amy and she's red as a tomato.

"What do you care so much Peralta?!" Her voice is nervous and shaking, her face is getting more and more red.

"Oh, I'm sorry for being a good partner, Santiago." Shit. I shouldn't have said that smiling so fondly at her. We both should definitely practice our convincing skills together later. I'll make sure to bring up this idea to her tonight at dinner.

This time Amy is the one who gets up and disappear. Some minutes later I receive a text message from her that is basically the same one I always send to set up our meetings. That's odd, she never does that. She's always so protective of our… relationship? I don't even know. But she is definitely protective of us, especially of us in work environment, that's for sure.

Great, now I'm curious as fuck and the 5 minutes she asked me to wait will once again take half an hour to go by.

When I open the fire-exit door I can see her sitting on the bottom of the stairs with her back turned to the door. I don't think she actually heard me coming closer, but she was waiting for me anyway, so when I sit beside her she's not surprise at all. "What took you so long?" You did. You and your 5 minutes.

"I was just following our safe time protocol. Your idea, remember?" I'm deliberately smiling at her now, she hates when I'm (kind of) the right one.

"This protocol sucks!" She puts her hand on the inner side of my thigh, bringing herself closer to me and I wrap my arm around her waist. "Who would guess that I'd miss you, _Peralta_." She kisses me with the softest of the lips.

"I was sure you would, _Santiago_." She laughs lightly at me, and I squeeze my hand on her waist.

"Why didn't you go to my place after the interrogation? If you would just sleep anyway, you could have slept there."

"Charles insisted in taking me home. He said I was looking too much like a zombie to drive. And I couldn't just tell him 'You know what buddy, just drop me at Amy's place 'cause I like the view so much better there'."

"What about your beloved car?" Oh, since when _Detective Santiago_ mode is on here?

"One of the officers drove it back to my place this morning. And, by the way, I'm super offended that nobody said anything about me arriving to the precinct with a big pumped guy in my passenger seat. I mean, is he too good for me?!" I say, as if it would be the most natural thing ever, and she can deny as much she wants but I can see she's suppressing a smile.

"Oh Lord! And I am the dork?" She doesn't even wait for me to give any answer. Instead, she grabs me by the collar of my sweatshirt and kisses me hard. I guess she was really missing me after all. Like, a lot. My arm tightens around her waist and my free hand goes straight to her thigh. I pull her to sit on my lap while she hovers her hands through my hair and neck. Oh boy, the weather is getting hot in here all of a sudden.

When we move apart for a second to catch some air I don't know what exactly makes me say, under a heavy breathing, "I think Boyle knows". I grab her face between my hands and kiss her again, but she cuts me out in a second.

"What?!"

Shit.

"Yeah, I think Boyle knows about us. He's acting all weird, even weirder actually, and he keeps throwing me hints that he knows something." None of us move an inch for what seems to be an eternity. Fuck, why did I have to say that? Is this shit some kind of deep subconscious version of myself who thought it would be better to interrupt an amazing make out session in order to pursuit some kind of commitment I don't even know if I'm ready for?

Except… I do know. I _am _ready for it. I'm ready for her.

She gets up. "Oh my God, Jake! You need to talk with him. Convince Charles that he's hallucinating or something, I don't know. Make him forget about it." Should I be hurt by that? Because I am. Fuck, what's the problem? It's not like it's going to be the end of the world if people find out we are (sort of) dating. All we'll need to do is to fill out some of those silly relationships forms. Done.

"C'mon, what's the big deal Amy? I don't wanna lie to Charles, he's my friend…" She cuts me off before I can keep going.

"And I am your…" She stops.

"What? Say it. You are what?"

"I'm your friend too." What the hell?! Is she kidding me or what?

I don't know what is going on, but when I hear that and can't help but to run my hands throw my hair in disbelieve. I look at her still kind of astonished and she's looking down at her feet, seeming… scared? Shit, I hate this stupid situation. I keep trying to look at her but she's avoiding my gaze.

Wait.

Oh… I see. The realization of what is happening finally hits me and… fuck! I can't believe Amy Santiago is afraid of committing to a serious grown up relationship with me. And I always thought I would be the one having trouble with that.

I dry out on my jeans the cold sweat of my palms before getting closer to her and holding her face between my hands, forcing her to look me in the eyes.

"You know that you are much more than just my friend. Please Amy, it was fun on the beginning but please, that's enough of hiding. I like you, a lot. More than this stupid staircase can hold."

"I like you too." I can see her eyes watering. It breaks my heart, but I can't back out now.

"I know. But you can't like me only when there's nobody looking Amy. This is not fair with any of us." I kiss her lips softly and I fell her relax under my touch. "So, c'mon, this has to stop, alright? I want us to be real. I wanna be able to ask you how your day was without having to pretend I don't actually care. I wanna be able to kiss you whenever I want without having to sneak around. I wanna hold your hand and hug you close to me when we are out for drinks with our friends. I wanna stare at you with the silliest smile on my face without having to explain myself or make up some stupid excuse. And, for fuck sakes, I wanna be able to go crash at your place and feel how just the sight of you lights up my day after several shit hours of interrogating a maniac perp."

The water comes down her cheeks. And down mine too. I kiss her. Not only because this is my favorite thing to do in the world but also to show her how true are my words. Man, I hope she gets it.

"Amy Santiago, will you be my official, one and only, out in the open, girlfriend? And this time you don't _have to_ say yes, but it would help me if you do."

Holy fuck! I did it, I finally asked her. Feels good, in fact I already feel 100 pounds stress-worth lighter.

And I don't even wait for her answer before I keep talking. "I don't want you to answer me now. Think about it, for real, and tonight I'll stop by your place with dinner so we can have a conversation about it, like adults. Sounds reasonable?"

"Huhmm." That's all she says. Boy, this may be a dangerous strategy of mine, but I'm willing to take the risk. I want us to do the right thing, and to do so I need her to make the right choice.

I kiss her once more. This turn it's a kiss full of fierce and passion, no tenderness about it, just hungry. I want to let her craving for more. I want to let her know, or be sure, that now that we have each other, we won't be able to let go anymore. "I'll go back first." I kiss the top of her head. "See you tonight, be home."

* * *

It is almost the end of the day at the precinct and I'm getting anxious. Amy and I exchanged some glances a couple of times after our talk from earlier, but I just can't really read her expression. Sometimes I feel her eyes on me for ages, but the moment I look up she stares down at this one piece of paper she's been dealing with since she came back to her desk. I wonder what the hell is in there.

"Hey Jakey, wanna go out for drinks after work? Everybody else is going." Boyle approaches our desks rolling in his chair.

"Nah, sorry man. I kind of have plans already. But drink for me." I look at Amy but she avoids returning it, instead she just keeps paying attention to Boyle, and then Gina.

"Don't worry, I will do it!" I hear Gina shouting from her desk. Is it just me or she's already drunk? Well, knowing her as well as I do, I would say it's plausible.

Charles turns his attention to Amy now and, I won't deny, my heart speeds up a bit. If she says yes to Boyle, she says no to me. "So Amy, what about you?"

"Hmm, sorry Charles. I'm not really in the mood today."

"Oh. I see. Okay, have fun you two." Man, Boyle can be subtle as a rock sometimes. Anyway, I don't lose my chance of glancing to Amy with a 'told you he knew' look. She just rolls her eyes at me. I guess that's great news.

Okay, that's it. The end of the day. People already started to collect their things to leave, but not me. I just stay still and try to watch Amy in a discreet way. She grabs her coat, quickly reorganize some stuff at her desk, pretty much the usual so far. She is ready to leave and, there it goes, she takes that piece of paper, crumples it and throws away.

Interesting.

She finally stops and looks at me, no words, no signs, only staring. Then she leaves. Man! What the hell that means?

I obviously wait for everybody to leave (and god, those people can be slow) to go straight to Amy's trash bin, looking for that infamous piece of paper that is torturing me with curiosity.

There! I found it. I grab the little ball shaped paper and go sit back at my desk. I look at it for a minute wondering if I should really violate Amy's privacy like that.

Oh, screw it, I have a feeling this might be about my future as well, so I start to uncrumple it.

Oh, shit!

Okay, this is something.

It's actually a list. Amy loves those. It's a whole white sheet of paper with 3 things wrote on it. And my heart jumps right at the title, not because of Amy's weird calligraphy (which I believe she have done on purpose) but for what I'm almost sure is written there.

'Reasons why I shouldn't date him.' Oh good Lord, please don't leave me now! My eyes go on and I see that the first item of the list is strikethrough several times. Okay, maybe I can read this if I try hard enough.

Double shit!

'There's none.' It's says there are fucking none!

"Yeah!" I shout alone in the middle of the precinct. Good thing there's no one here.

But wait, the thing is strikethrough. Okay, must be an explanation. Let's see the second item. Damn, she totally did this on purpose, this hand-writing is so terrible not be on purpose. Doesn't matter, she made me a puzzle of sort, a bad hand-writing puzzle, and she knows I love puzzles.

Oh, boy.

I think my face just cracked because I'm with the biggest smile I ever had on my face. It says 'He's the only one who knows that I suck at throwing away my secret lists'.

Fuck!

I need a minute to process all that. Is it her _Amy Santiago_ unique style of saying yes? Because I love it… I love her.

I love her.

I grab my keys and put my coat on. All of sudden I'm on a rush! I can't waste one more minute in this precinct when I should be at Amy's place hearing her saying that, yes, we are dating. Officially dating. And then hugging her, and kissing her. Man, I need to go.

I'm on the elevator, almost arriving at the lobby, when I remember something that makes me go back. Shit, I can't even concentrate in my own thoughts anymore. I arrive back to my desk and my eyes go straight to the piece of paper I let there. God, how could I not take this with me. It would be like Charlie going to the Chocolate Factory without the golden ticket.

"You come with me." I say, weirdly, to the paper. "You'll go with me everywhere now, I'm never letting you go." I put the piece of paper in my wallet, next to Nana's photo. I close it and put it back in my pocket. That's it, now I'm ready to go change my life.


End file.
